Saturday, January 29, 2011

A Bad Day and the Bigger Picture

One of the things I've left out of my blog is that life here is not perfect. After the initial honeymoon effect of moving to a new city, one really learns how the move is affecting his or her lifestyle. In my case, along with all of the blessings I have here, there are also negative aspects as well. Wedneday was probably the worst day I've had here. It was snowy and slushy and the subways were jam packed. Instead of waking up to sunlight and fresh air, I walked into the cold, dirty, smelly underground of the city where people were all squeezing into subway cars. The car I was in stopped for 15 minutes because of the backed up subway traffic. At the next stop, I had to transfer to another train. This one did the same thing, so I had to transfer back to the N train. It took me an hour to get to work. After I got to work, it seemed like my menial office tasks were meaningless.

After lunch, there was nothing for me to do, so I spent the remainder of the day at my cubicle, staring blankly at the computer. I felt like I was in the movie Office Space. It really sucked the life out of me. One of the reasons I embrace a career in the film industry is for the sole purpose of not having a scheduled, 9 to 5 job sitting at a desk (sorry Mommy and Daddy, I feel your pain). I want to be on a set on different days with different hours, running around as a PA or making sure the filming is on track as an AD. But for now, I'll have to suck it up and just remember what this internship is about and remember that I am in a really blessed position here in New York. After work I felt like a caged animal being released. I basically ran down the snow covered streets into the subway station to go home.

Because of this, I ended up getting on the wrong train. I had to walk home from a station I was unfamiliar with, about ten minutes from our apartment. I tried using my phone to navigate but it was useless. The cross streets were set in a confusing grid and there were no street signs. I finally found a man and asked which direction 41st street was in. He pointed me in the right direction. I got home, defeated by the day, and all I wanted to do was see my roommates and convince them of how bad my life was and poor me and I needed their support and their encouragement. (How pathetic!) Except when I walked in the door, ironically, no one was home. And no one came home for another 3 hours. I had the worst day since I've been here and I was alone. I know I'm being melodramatic but this stuff can really get in your head. I went to bed at 9 PM, defeated. Julia and Erica were at a movie and Lauren was working late, editing a video. They returned home around 10 and I woke up and got to talk to them. It helped because they are the best roommates a girl could ask for.

After consideration of this day and previous depressing instances, I realize how these instances affect my spiritual life here. It's not like New York is a heathen city out to antagonize Christians. It is merely indifferent. Diversity is a norm and universalism is celebrated. It's so easy to try and blend into society, in the attempt to not offend anyone or rub anyone the wrong way. I told my roommates to keep me accountable here. I see that my blog has been mostly about food and culture, which is a large part of anyone's lifestyle, but that's not what matters in the end. What matters is character--figuring out who you are and what you believe. I hope that I do not lose sight of the bigger picture while I am here, nor when I continue working in the film industry.

In an encouraging email today, Julia sent me the lyrics to one of my favorite songs, "Before the Throne." After researching the lyrics, it turns out this song was written by an Irish woman in the late 1800s. She was the daughter of a minister and ended up moving to California. Here are the lyrics she so masterfully wrote:

Before the throne of God above
I have a strong and perfect plea
A great high Priest who’s name is Love
Who ever lives and pleads for me
My name is graven on His hand
My name is written on His heart
I know that while in heaven He stands
No tongue can bid me thence depart
When satan tempts me to despair
and tells me of the guilt within
upward I look and see Him there
Who made an end of all my sin
Because a sinless Savior died
my sinful soul is counted free
For God the just is satisfied
to look on Him and pardon me
Praise the One Risen Son of God.
Behold Him there, the risen Lamb
My perfect spotless righteousness
The great unchangeable I AM
The King of Glory and of grace
One in Himself, I cannot die
My soul is purchased by His blood
My life is hid with Christ on high
With Christ my Savior and my God

The goal for me now? For one of my next blog posts to be about my first church visit in NYC. Needing to focus on the bigger picture.

Whatever struggle you may have or if you simply are having "one of those days" like I've had this week, be encouraged. And look at the bigger picture.

Much love,


  1. KA,

    What a day, and how beautiful your choice to find comfort in the Lord. We all romanticize life in the Big Apple. Your honesty about your bad day was refreshing.

    I have had a pretty difficult weekend. . . instead of going to Sally's concert with your dad and brother, I landed in the hospital with a really bad eye infection. So far, the high point was the visit from my priest, bringing me face to face with how much the Father loves us.

    So, the lyrics you quoted were the cherry on the chocolate sundae for me!

    Grace and Peace


  2. My favorite post so far KA. I'm loving your experiences, the bad and the good. I hope the next week is so much better for you and the weather lightens up some. I definitely understand how frustrating being an intern is (the low of the low) and how slowly time goes by some times!Kepp your head up!
    Always thinking of you!
    That little girl back in Dallas, Nincy ;)